Special Delivery

The sleigh pitched to the left as a massive orb of blazing orange fire torpedoed past. This had never happened before, the portals he used had always just sent him from one continent to the other without so much as a bump. Nothing was different. He had started with Australia, moved to Asia, and was now on his way to Africa. The sleigh suddenly shot upwards, and Santa’s strong arms strained as he instinctively twisted about and grabbed the large present bag so that it would not pitch out the back. Maybe Mrs. Claus is right. Maybe it is time for me to modernize the sleigh a bit. His forearms burned as he held onto the sack. It had been made by Mrs. Claus specially for his delivery needs. That didn’t make the bright red wool bag small or light by any means. It weighed nearly four hundred coal lumps, two hundred pounds or almost ninety-one kilograms. Fortunately, that was as heavy as it got but never lighter. She had said something about, “eating too many cookies and needing to burn them off” when she had given it to him. The sleigh suddenly dove and Santa’s biceps tensed causing his red stainproof jacket to groan, threatening to tear under the strain. The small wreaths so carefully stitched into the bag now served as very real hazards that Santa wasn’t sure were fireproof. 

The now not-so-jolly saint looked over his shoulder, back toward the front of the sleigh and his nine reindeer. He wished, in this one situation, that Rudolph could shut off the nose. It was like a beacon to this fiend that now chased them. I bet Krampus sent this thing. He is always trying to cramp my style. The multidimensional void around them remained silent for an instant as if to force Kris to dwell on his last thought. Dwell he would not, for there were still millions of good boys and girls in the world and he would not fail them. It was time for Mr. Claus to act and so that is what he did. His heavy black belt with its golden buckle whipped off his hips with a snap. He focused his magic and caused the belt to grow and grow. Then, when it was long enough, he lashed the sack securely to the back of the sleigh. “All right! Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen! Let’s send this demon back to hell!” Santa yanked on the reins steering the nine reindeer back to the right and around for the fiend. The sleigh bells jingled, ring tingle tingled the demon’s doom as Santa hollered the nine fearless reindeer onward.

The fiend was impressive in both size and power. Massive smokey black wings that trailed black plumes matched the darkness that created the creature’s body. Atop its vulture-like head were two spiraling horns that curved back towards the shoulders. It had a long serpent-like body, whose scales were dull grey and vivid yellow in a diamond pattern. The monster had no legs, but it was not without limbs. It waved two huge arms, thick as trees and decorated not with pretty lights and ornaments but with coarse scales and dangerous talons. The creature surged towards the reindeer and the sleigh, which continued toward it unfalteringly, despite all the very logical arguments in the reindeer’s minds. These were mainly along the lines of, “Why are we flying right into it?” and “Well, Santa has finally lost his mind.” The reindeer trusted good old Saint Nick and kept their course, forward and directly at the terrifying, fire-breathing, abomination.

Once Santa was sure that the reindeer were going in the direction he wanted, he secured their reins to the ornate, polished silver bar on the front of the sleigh and wiggled his nose. With a sudden poof, Santa was a third of his size but just as agile and strong. He quickly scaled up the guard to where he had tied the reins and ran along the reindeer's backs, freeing them from their harnesses. Santa now stood on Rudolph’s antlers, one foot on each and hands gripping the two rear tines. The sleigh drifted nearer and the fiend believed its victory at hand, rearing back its head and fire spouting from around its beak, the yellow and red tongues casting a haunting shadow over the monster’s face. 

Santa leaped forward, wiggling his nose. He grew back to his original size and propelled himself forward with his rocket boots, which he used to shoot back up chimneys. The demon was not impressed, its head rolling forward to engulf Santa and his slay in scorching flames. “You have been a very, very, very naughty monster!” Santa’s booming voice shook the fiend’s confidence, as it should have. “Naughty monsters get coal! Since you have been so naughty you get a lot of coal!” The creature opened its still smoldering mouth in shock and sudden pain as nine reindeer slammed their antlers into its side. The cries of pain were ominously muffled as Santa shoved a large lump of hellfire coal into the demon’s fiery maw, forcing the mouth to close around it. The reindeer, having done their part, turned back for the sleigh at full speed. Blitzen slowed his pace, picking up the good old saint as Santa wiggled his nose to shrink and gripped tightly to the reindeer’s antlers. 

A portal opened high in the sky over Africa and the sleigh emerged, appearing no different than a shooting star. The portal shut as quickly as it opened, muffling the dying screams of the demon. Hellfire always burns up demons. With a flick of his wrist and a light snap of the reins Santa’s sleigh shot between the stars; he was behind schedule and would need to give Krampus a good talking-to before heading back to the North Pole.