In Need of a Horse

The horse’s nostrils flared as the ground beneath the two ton creature quaked with each of its steps. The trees, shrubs, and stones all passed by in a blur of color, a wash of green, brown, and gray. Birds and squirrels chittered aggressively at the passing mount and rider, angry at the disruption to their typical day. Several deer and hares watched in nervous silence, unsure if they should bolt or hide from the sound of thunder as the horse stampeded onward, throwing fist size clumps of dirt in its wake. The ebon-colored steed frothed around its bit as the hard steel dug into the mighty stallion’s gums, directing its rampage. The horse’s black eyes gleamed like onyx from under the polished chanfron, as it was spurred forward at an ever-maddening pace.

The saddle groaned under the weight of the knight and his buffed plate. The armor was well made and tested, having kept the wearer alive through numerous conflicts. On the knight’s hip was his arming sword in a simple but well-kept leather scabbard. The sword's cross guard was plain black with a leather wrapped handle and ball-like pommel. Secured firmly in a leather loop next to the right stirrup rested his lance, with a polished oak haft and a foot of steel at its tip. The knight dipped low in his saddle, pressing himself into his horse’s crinet, almost putting his bucket helm against the bands of steel that protected the steed’s neck. They were close, soon he would arrive at the castle and save the princess from the evil wizard and his pet dragon.

He was the only one of the king’s knights who had been brave enough to take on the princess’ rescue and, of course, to the savior would go her hand in marriage. In the end, she was the ultimate prize. If not for the danger the delicate princess was in, this brave, august, virile, brawny, assertive, manly, knight would not risk his life. So, he rode, ever spurring his stallion forward and onward before it was too late and the innocent princess was harmed.

He reined in his horse as he charged through the open portcullis. His bewilderment at not having his approach contested grew to new heights as no horde of savage goblins lay in wait. A worrying thought occurred to him. “Had the princess used her womanly wiles to sway her captors?” He had been too late to save her, she must have sacrificed her chastity because of his tardiness. Dismounting, he removed his helm in his lament, and a faint sound of crying reached his ears. The princess! She is still alive and probably being ravished at this very moment! “Fear not, fair lady, for your hero has arrived!”

The knight drew his sword from his scabbard and charged through the nearest door to where the sound had come. He shouted the appropriate phrases like “Ha-Ha” and “En garde” as he turned every corner and kicked open every door. Only to find empty halls and quiet rooms. At long last and with great gusto, the knight smashed through a large door that sat half ajar, entering the throne room. He could not believe his eyes; how could this be? The horror, the sheer brutality on display before him was enough to make the courageous knight hesitate. This was impossible.

The blood pooled around his ankles. Dismembered limbs and entrails laid strewn about the room, and the smell of death and gore was overwhelming. The undaunted knight, now slightly daunted, was thankful he had left his helmet with his horse as he felt the bile rise in his throat. Having no escape, he retched at his feet. He thought, no, he knew, that he had severely underestimated what awaited him. The whole kingdom had underestimated, especially the king.

The princess sat atop a pile of bodies as though it were a throne. Her legs were crossed daintily and she was removing an arrow from a splintered tabletop that had served her as a shield. A now broken spear, axe, and sword lay beside her, each dripping with crimson blood and the spear still bearing the trophy of a dragon’s heart. “Oh, sir knight,” the kind voice shook the knight free of the awe-inspiring scene before him. “I do hope you brought a horse,” she smiled as she adjusted the large brim of the wizard’s hat over her now-ruffled hair and soot-marred face.

“How?” The knight could barely stammer as she hopped down from the pile and approached him. A slight limp caused by a gash to her left thigh caused her to move with an awkward gait.

“Um, I am a princess,” she responded flippantly as if the answer was obvious. “Now, about that horse.”